The Bible Turns Me On

What You’ve Missed…
* Proverbs on how to become wise.
* Proverbs on the value of a good work ethic.
* Proverbs on how to live a long, healthy life.
* Proverbs on how to gain wealth.
* Proverbs on how to remain in God’s favor.
* Basically…Solomon (the wisest man ever) is giving away the most amazing advice of all time. For free.
* And as my friend Antley says, “If it’s for free, it’s for me.”

Day 155
Daily Reading: Song of Solomon (Or Song of Songs)

There seems to be this idea out there in the universe that Christians are prudes. I’m not talking about prudeness in terms of being “generally conservative.” I’m talking about sex, baby. In my experience, some people who aren’t Christians have seemed to infer they believe that Christians think sex is pretty much the devil. In my experience, some people who ARE Christians have also seemed to infer that sex is pretty much the devil.

Sex oriented conversations can often be “hushed up” at church. I mean, how dare anyone talk about s-e-x while in the house of the LORD.

But have these Christians read the Bible? There’s tons of sex! In fact, I’m going to go ahead and say that Song of Solomon is extremely sexy. Yup…one of the books in the Bible is incredible sexy. In fact…it may be one of the sexiest things I’ve ever read. Here’s a taste of what I mean (this is a dude speaking to his lover):

“Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a skilled craftsman. Your navel is perfectly formed like a goblet filled with mixed wine. Between your thighs lies a mound of wheat bordered with lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle…” (Song of Solomon 7:1-3)

C’mon on! If that doesn’t get you a little riled up, then you’re probably wearing an ankle length skirt, or ridiculously thick trousers, and claiming that fornication is of the devil. And you’re probably a total bummer to everyone you talk to.

But the young man doesn’t stop there. I mean, we’re talking about a guy here. A guy who’s very interested in, and planning on getting some action. In fact, he goes from stirring up some sexual passion to being straight up horny just a few verses later.

“You are like a slender palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters of fruit. I said, ‘I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit.’” (Song of Solomon 7:7-8)

I don’t mean to be coarse, nor am I simply trying to shock you. But let’s be honest here. Basically, this guy, in THE HOLY BIBLE is saying, “I can’t wait to jump you and grab your boobs,” to the woman he loves. And do you know how she responds? Girl ain’t ashamed of how the good LORD blessed her. She’s clearly familiar with the idea of, if you got it, flaunt it. She knows she got it goin’ on.

“I was a virgin, like a wall; now my breasts are like towers. When my lover looks at me, he is delighted with what he sees.” (Song of Solomon 8:10)

Know what else she says?

“Let us get up early and go to the vineyards to see if the grapevines have budded, if the blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love.” (Song of Solomon 7:12)

This is some pretty hot stuff. Breasts like towers? Climbing the palm tree to grab hold of some “coconuts”? “Flowers” opening and blossoming? Mounds of “wheat” between a woman’s thighs? This is pretty straight-forward sex talk if you ask me. It’s also pretty erotic. Beautiful too.

So. If you’re not a Christian, and you think Christians are prudes who’re out to remove sex from the human experience, well, not all of us are. In fact, some of us are pretty big sex fans ourselves. And if you are a Christian, and you’re turned off by the idea of hot sex, well, read your Bible, and get turned on.

22 thoughts on “The Bible Turns Me On

    • Fair enough Ron. Sex is pretty darn good. Then again, so are self-control, wisdom and an understanding of what is holy. All of which are some other ideas promoted in The Bible that are worth studying and applying to life.

      Those ideas also play a role in our view and use of sex.

      • Who is Ron?
        Sex came first. It’s how we’re here, it’s why we’re here. The bible is irrelevant. If you need the bible to tell you how to use sex, you’re long overdue for a good chat with your dad.

      • Hahahaha. Trust me, that chat with my dad wasn’t any more helpful than you find the Bible to be. I think he and I both walked away from that conversation with more questions than answers.

        My apologies on mis-spelling you name. As a Christian, I disagree that the Bible is irrelevant. And as someone who believes God created man (before creating sex) I also have a different view that sex came first.

        My point here is that God’s relationship to man is related to every aspect of life, our crazy sex lives included, and that sex is a good thing, a gift from God, for us to enjoy…and that’s nothing for the church to be ashamed or scared of.

      • If man came first, why did god create overwhelming evidence that sex came first (by millions of years). Didn’t he want us to believe in him?

      • I don’t think I totally understand your question Rob. But I will say I do think God wants us to believe in Him. If I do understand what you’re asking, then I’d say I don’t think the theory of evolution (and millions of years of sex) proves or disproves God. I think ‘evolutionists’ can find reasons to believe in God, as can people who would be in the ‘creationist’ category.

      • It’s simple enough. The evidence for man having been created by millions of years of sex is overwhelming. If god created the universe, then it follows that god also created the evidence for man being created by sex, i.e. not as it says in the bible. So, if god exists, then either he doesn’t want us to believe in him or he had no hand in the evidence. I can’t see a third alternative.

      • I believe God is infinite. And that an infinite Creator can do things for an infinite number of reasons. And that man, being very finite, cannot fully grasp that level of infinity. And so there may not only be a third alternative, but an infinite number of alternatives. Most of which may not make sense or seem reasonable or logical, even if they were to become known.

        I’m not too knowledgeable on the evidence for evolution, so forgive me if I sound elementary…but if the evidence is overwhelming, then why is it still a theory and not a scientific law? I’m not trying to bait you. That’s a genuine question.

        And if it is a theory, then what is the difference between you believing what you believe based on overwhelming evidence, and me believing what I believe based on overwhelming evidence. (Because I’m not simply believing blindly. I too have what I believe to be overwhelming evidence that God exists, that God created man, and that He very much wants me to believe in Him.)

      • OK, I accept we don’t understand everything. I don’t claim to have all or even a small fraction of the answers. Infinity is a difficult concept to get one’s head around. But making a leap from this lack of understanding and knowledge to “so there must be a god” makes no sense at all. You’re not getting closer to understanding: you’re moving further away by adding an additional layer of confusion, based on suspect evidence. God doesn’t explain anything!

      • I really wish we could be face-to-face. It’s killing me we’re having such a quality discussion through Internet comments.

        Again, I believe I have overwhelming evidence that God is very real, very much created each one of us specifically and that He very much wants us to know Him. Intimately. (I am not simply making a crazy/ bizarre leap from being a limited human with unanswered questions to, “Welp, there must be someone real big up there who knows what’s he’s doing.”

        Saying I’m making that leap from understanding to “so there must be a god” is an oversimplification of the truth, and a cartoonish caricature of a man making a deeply profound choice in life.

        You call my evidence “suspect”, and that’s okay. I won’t fault you for saying that. Because my evidence cannot be tested by the Scientific Method. And that’s the rub. We have two different understandings of what we consider to be real.

        This is what it looks like when the need for proof/logic meet experience/faith. Neither one excludes the other. They’re all intertwined. In what I believe to be a beautiful way. I think you and I simply view them differently. Which is why we don’t agree here.

        But that’s okay by me. Because my goal isn’t to get you to agree, nor prove myself the better thinker. My goal is to hear your side of things, then share my side of things, then shake hands and maybe grab a drink together and share some laughs as we continue to talk about how grand this whole life thing is anyway.

      • I’m trying not to make this personal: when I use “you” I don’t mean you.
        It’s a common fallacy that science is concerned with proof. It is not. Many folk (even scientists, who should know better) say “scientific proof”. This is an oxymoron. Science accepts no absolutes and seeks no proof. Science is a method of enquiry: nothing more. Science only seeks to explain the observed data, generally by proposing theories. These theories are not fact and are good only so long as they fit the observable data. The reason why science has enjoyed such massive success is this evolution of ideas, always dynamic, always improving our understanding.

        Now I am not so arrogant as to state that science is the only way to enquire into the universe we observe. BUT before I’d be prepared to change to an alternative method, I’d have to see that method producing better explanantions than science does.

        Faith is the very antithesis of explanation. If you have an explanation, then you need no faith. I can’t work that way.

      • “Now I am not so arrogant as to state that science is the only way to enquire into the universe we observe. BUT before I’d be prepared to change to an alternative method, I’d have to see that method producing better explanantions than science does.”

        Fair enough. But let me ask you this. Suppose another method to inquire into the universe we observe is through a spiritual realm which cannot be observed? How will you know whether the “explanations” provided this way are “better” and worth believing? It may be that you need to choose to believe them first (or genuinely pursue them to see if they’re true) so that the explanations then have actual meaning and worth.

        For instance. Someone has multiple personality disorder. You observe their behavior, conclude it is irrational and unusual (compared to the human norm), and conclude through years of medical research findings that something is wrong with their brain, and that the issue at hand is a physical one, which should then be treated physically (i.e. medicine/therapy/etc.)

        Then someone comes in, who believes in a spiritual realm, as much as they believe in science, and through their belief system, determine the problem is not actually physical, but that it is spiritual, and they say the person is possessed (or oppressed) by a demon, and that medicine does not treat the actual problem.

        Now, because you’ve centered yourself in a measurable/scientific belief system, you may be skeptical of this weirdo spiritual person and their conclusions. And because you cannot see or measure the demon, or the person’s spirit, you have no reason to get on board with spiritual weirdo’s line of thinking.

        You must first decide to believe in a spiritual realm, and to genuinely be open to that idea, in order to even begin to truly begin to experience for yourself what you may discover there.

        Let’s go one step further and say spiritual weirdo actually casts out that demon in front of you. And the patient is clearly better. You may still be skeptical, because the result isn’t measurable or testable. You only have the person seeming better in the moment, and you can rationalize 100 different reasonable and non-spiritual explanations for what happened. To accept that there may be more to existence than what can be observed, you must first choose to believe that idea.

        It’s difficult to be open to an idea if being “open to it” simply means waiting for it to prove itself.

        However…and Rob, I literally mean this. I believe God is so amazing, and genuinely wants you to know Him as you know your best friends, that if you ask Him to make Himself known to you, and you do so genuinely…not as someone trying to prove a point…but as someone who is genuinely opening up to the idea that more than the observable may actually exist, and you genuinely want to know what is True…not reasonable or explainable, but actually True, God, in some way, will show you He’s there.

        I believe He WANTS you to know Him, and that He makes the effort to show Himself to us.

    • I’m discovering some amazing stuff as I read through this thing myself Robert. Yeah, you don’t often hear people preaching about that, I agree.

  1. ohhhh packet pal… you are hysterical. as usual we do have one crazy bible. cant wait to hear more when you come see us!!! see you and Q on saturday!!!
    — the coolest packet pal ever

  2. Agreed. The Bible rocks my socks. I’m not sure how sex became an “unmentionable”, but we’re on a journey to reclaim it as the good gift that it is! We’ve had some pretty great talks about this topic in our house…get excited people…and thank God for fruits and trees and love and fields. Amen.

  3. “It’s difficult to be open to an idea if being “open to it” simply means waiting for it to prove itself….. I believe God is so amazing, and genuinely wants you to know Him as you know your best friends, that if you ask Him to make Himself known to you, and you do so genuinely…not as someone trying to prove a point…but as someone who is genuinely opening up to the idea that more than the observable may actually exist, and you genuinely want to know what is True…not reasonable or explainable, but actually True, God, in some way, will show you He’s there.”

    Absolutely! A loving response to some genuine questions. Well done! May God continue to equip you. Blessings to you.

  4. Mac, I have never heard anyone explain the bible quite like you do. I read several of your posts and they are great!! You definitely have an anointing for breaking down the “bible language” into something that people can relate to and understand. Great analogies! Keep it coming, and I look forward to reading more of your take on all things bible. And I must commend you one your level-headed approach and explanation of our amazing and seemingly crazy God!

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