What You’ve Missed…
* The story of Samson, a man who was more bad ass than Rambo, more follicly gifted than Fabio and exactly as (un)intelligent as you might imagine both of those men to be.
* The people of Israel don’t have nap time, so they’re all whiny, begging the prophet/judge Samuel for a king. When he tries to dissuade them, they just whine louder. This proves naps are integral for a healthy adult life. (It’s science.)
* So God gives them what they want and grants them a king named Saul who turns into a paranoid nutcase. Saul then spends years hunting down a kid named David who God has said will be the next king of Israel.
* David is pretty much an Old Testament Bear Grylls who spends his time surviving just fine in the wilderness. Not only does he survive, the dude ends up leading a rag-tag army of over 600 men in the process, eventually becoming the king of the tribe of Judah. Oh yeah, this was all by the age of 23. (I wonder if this was what my dad always meant when he told me to “take some initiative”…)
Daily Reading: 1 Samuel 28-29
So at this point in the story Saul’s enemies are coming to attack Israel and he’s pretty much a crazy old coot who has worried himself into oblivion by now. He seeks God for advice, but God remains silent, so he looks for a medium who’s able to talk to the spirits’ of the dead. And he finds one. And then, thousands of years later, someone reads about it and writes a movie called Ghost. And then, thousands of people discover pottery wheel sex is way sexier in movies than in real life.
Alright, so Saul’s at this medium’s house and they haven’t gathered for a quick round of Ouija board, asking if anyone in his class has a crush on him. He’s here to get his Sixth Sense on and talk to dead people. He asks the medium to bring back the spirit of the prophet Samuel (who died somewhere during the recap) and, she does.
Now, we’re not talking about someone who sees some mystical smoke in a mystical crystal ball. Nor are we talking about a gust of wind that comes through, blowing out all the candles in the room to indicate the “spirits are with them”. The woman brings back Samuel from the dead. Straight up. (No pun intended.)
“I see a god coming up out of the earth” she said. “What does he look like?” Saul asked. “He is an old man wrapped in a robe,” she replied. Saul realized it was Samuel… “Why have you disturbed me by calling me back?” Samuel asked Saul? (1 Samuel 28:13-5)
Saul goes on to say he needs help figuring out what to do about his enemies, and Samuel throws out a solid speech, which I bet was made way more dramatic because he’s probably floating in the air or something, and Saul can probably see through him and well, he’s a dead guy who’s a little annoyed that they’ve brought him back from whatever it was dead prophets do, which is probably better than hanging out with some paranoid, weirdo, old dude in the back of a psychic’s hut.
Anyway, long story short, Samuel tells Saul he’s going to lose the battle, and Saul starts moping around. And that’s it. That’s the whole story.
But can we just stop for a minute to talk about the fact that even The Bible admits that communing with the dead is very real, and that people possess the ability to call forth specific spirits of people who died? This isn’t Ghost Hunters here, or even Ghostbusters, which is a little sad because you can never have enough Bill Murray. This isn’t Madame Sage in her suburban psychic shack who reads tarot cards and talks about the planets being in alignment with Jupiter rising in the house of Saturn and cows jumping over the moon or whatever.
This is the real deal here. A real psychic medium, bringing back a real person, who really died. And the spirit doesn’t just hover there looking all dead and mopey and maybe sliding a book across the table or something, but he speaks up and shoots straight. So, if you’re a Christian, and you think all that spiritual mumbo-jumbo is a bunch of hogwash (does anyone actually use that word in real life?) then I’d encourage you to think again. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying the jokers who run psychic hotlines know anything about anything, other than how to snag $9.95 in thirty minutes from you (and $2.95 for each additional minute) but according to The Bible, bridging the gap between the spiritual and physical worlds is very real.
Though I do have to say, while the Ghostbusters version may not be as serious, it does have a way better theme song. I mean, who doesn’t know who they’re gonna call at this point?