Real Life > Cartoons

What You’ve Missed…
* King Saul dies.  So do his kids.
* David becomes the king of Israel.
* David goes from good-hearted underdog to wild man on campus when he becomes a total hornball, gathering together a solid concubine, then sleeps with a married woman, and then later has her husband killed.  Geez David…lay off the Red Bull man.
* David’s son Absalom starts a rebellion, chases his dad out of the city and takes over the throne.

Day 119
Daily Reading: 2 Samuel 17-19, Psalms 3 & 63

Today is going to be short and sweet.  Partly because what I want to write about is incredibly simple (ridiculous, but simple) and partly because I’m currently in Honduras with limited time and internet access.  (What am I doing in Honduras?  Two things really.  One, co-leading a missions group serving here for a month.  Two, enjoying local energy drinks I believe the FDA has banned from The States.)

So, back to David.  He’s run away from the capital with his supporters, armed guard, and of course his concubine, wondering how to recover the throne which has been stolen from him by his son.  The only problem is he doesn’t want his son to die…which makes it hard to lead an attack against the guy with the sole purpose of killing him.

So he sends out his personal army with the specific order not to harm Absalom.  They go out, start fighting up a storm and…

“During the battle, Absalom happened to come upon some of David’s men.  He tried to escape on his mule, but as he rode beneath the thick branches of a great tree, his hair got caught in the tree.  His mule kept going and left him dangling in the air.”  (2 Samuel 18:9)

“Then Joab took three daggers and plunged them into Absalom’s heart as he dangled, still alive, in the great tree.  Ten of Joab’s young armor bearers then surrounded Absalom and killed him.”  (2 Samuel 18:14-15)

What?  The dude was dangling from a tree by his hair?  This sounds a lot more like a really jacked up and violent Bugs Bunny cartoon than real life.  For starters, whose hair is long enough for this to even happen?  And if your hair is that long, wouldn’t it be tied up when you’re going into battle?
And while a horse could offer up some serious speed, is there a mule on the planet who could run fast enough to cause a man’s hair to become untied?  I mean…we’re talking about a donkey here.  Not Seabiscuit.  (Note: I have no idea if Seabiscuti was considered fast or not…I never saw the movie, but feel pretty safe in making the assumption he was fast enough to have a movie made about him.)

Seriously though, this really happened.  And while the Disney version may have the tree dangler charmingly talk his way out of the situation, later to become the dashing hero who has won our hearts through song and dance, The Bible delivers death by human pinata.

Way to come through Bible.  You never disappoint.